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Horoscopes
for: Manic Depressives
Aries [March21-April19] Your sun
is rising in cancer. That is probably the only thing rising in your entire life. And there
is probably more involved with the cancer thing too.
Taurus [April21-May 20] Your
family hates you, you are a loser and no doubt rather ugly. Your earth symbol is dirt,
very apropos.
Gemini [May 21-June 20] Your twin
sign is showing both sides of you. Both sides are just as bad. Stay away from sharp
objects, especially those in the hands of your supposed loved ones.
Cancer [June 21-July22] Your sign
is perfect for you- Don't call the doctor's office for the test results.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22] Your spouse
is having the affair you thought. It probably doesn't matter though, your spouse hates you
anyway. Keep your bedroom door locked.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22] Stay in bed
today, and for the rest of the week. Things will not look up. As a matter of fact things
will take a turn for the worse, but then you already guessed that.
Libra [Sept23-Oct 22] It was
thought that most homosexuals were Libras, this is unture. However, most closet Libra
spouses are. You are in for a suprise from your partner.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21] When the
call from the IRS comes, just accept it. There is nothing you can do about it.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21] Your
child will be tried as an adult after all. Prepare for a civil suit also.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19] Just
being born around Christmas time means you've been getting screwed most of your life
already. It's not going to change now.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18] You are
the water bearer and the new Depends garments will be needed sooner then you thought. Go
shopping today, early.
Pisces [Feb 19-March 20] The Fish
has always been a sign of posperity, until you. Choose the chapter 7 not the chapter 13,
just get it over with.
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