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Horoscopes for:
Optimists
Aries[March21-April19] Don't worry
it's just a funny black wart. Your lucky numbers are 0-9 and any combination.
Taurus [April21-May 20] Your
spouse has only been gone for 3 weeks. You spouse needed all the money in your checking
and saving account to go shopping for you, with your best friend, in another city, to get
you a real nice gift.
Gemini [May 21-June 20] It's going
to heal, it's going to heal, it's going to heal.
Cancer [June 21-July22] Relax,
there's no way the DNA tests can come back positive.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22] Your daughter
probably bought a different pregnancy test kit, you know, where blue means negative.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22] An IRS
audit can turn out to be a good thing, don't worry, they will help you get all those crazy
numbers in order for next year.
Libra [Sept 23-Oct 22] Charge on,
there is no possible way for that kitchen cabinet door to hit you in the head FIVE times
in the same morning.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21] Kissing is
simply a sign of friendship. Your best friend and spouse are just really great friends.
Really,really, really great friends.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21] See,
the lawyers' fees aren't nearly as high as you thought they would be.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19] Your
uncle will probably only stay another week or two.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18] You
really did that biker a favor by accidentally knocking his motorcycle over, he needed a
new paint job and light bar anyway. He's probably coming to thank you.
Pisces [Feb 19-March 20] Wow, with
an accident of this size you would expect your insurance premium to go a lot higher then
this.
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