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Horoscopes for:
Paranoids
Aries[March21-April19] Today is
not the day to look anyone directly in the eye. Keep moving.
Taurus [April21-May 20] When your
spouse asks you "How do you feel today"? Smile and go into the bathroom and find
the ipecac syrup.
Gemini [May 21-June 20] Keep away
from all zodiac signs that contain the letters "E" or "I". With your
moon in Jupiter, your butt is exposed.
Cancer [June 21-July22] Don't
answer the call from your doctor or your lawyer.
Leo [July 23-Aug 22] When your
children ask you to come play with them in the basement-don't.
Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22] Your family
keeps asking you if you remembered to send in the life insurance payment -tell them no.
Libra [Sept23-Oct 22] There are
not as many people out to get you as you thought, that one guy died. The rest are still
there.
Scorpio [Oct 23-Nov 21] There is
nothing to worry about, your spouse is merely studying poisons and their effects. It is
just a passing interest.
Sagittarius [Nov 22-Dec 21] The
"666" you discovered on you son's scalp could be a "999", but probably
not.
Capricorn [Dec 22-Jan 19] The sore on your dog that you've been taking care of
keeps getting bigger and is contagious.
Aquarius [Jan 20-Feb 18] Everyone
at work knows your password and is sending email to the autoresponders at Amway.
Pisces [Feb 19-March 20] That
naked fellow in your closet COULD just be looking for termites.
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